I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
