We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
