i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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