cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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