I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize