I feel like abortions should bother me more
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
