I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
