If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
