She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
