I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
