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I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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