Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
