I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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