Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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