how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
