The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
