you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
