I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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