Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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