Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
