wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
