I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
