He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
