i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
