Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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