Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
