u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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