the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
