Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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