No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
