grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
