who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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