how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Houston, we have a blender
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
