I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
