Pants 0. Shit 1.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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