I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
