Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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