So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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