one might say we're banned from that church
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
