Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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