Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
