he shaved USA in his pubs
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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