there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
