My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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