Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize