Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
