There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
