there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
