I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
