My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need a beard to bite.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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