what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
