if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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