it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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