I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i came on her dog
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
