a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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