So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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