It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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