I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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