I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
