I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
