Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
