I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
