eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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