Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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